


Tremors

by OnceAndFloral



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Post-Squip, Stargazing, Twitching, also projecting, hope you're into that, odd changes in writing style, soft relationships, there's no point to this fic, there's not a focus on romantic relationships, well i mean there's a bit of focus on how jeremy feels about romance but this isn't a shipping fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 14:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAndFloral/pseuds/OnceAndFloral
Summary: Things aren't as normal after the squip than as Jeremy would like it to be. At least, he's not as normal as he'd like to be.





	Tremors

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to listen to music while reading this, I recommend "You're A Mirror I Cannot Avoid" by Bad Books or "Spanish Sahara" by Foals.

Life was… strange.

Jeremy knew this. It had always been weird, awkward, almost just an obstacle to the end, whatever it may be. But as he lay in the hospital bed, staring at the ceiling with tremors racing up and down his arms and legs, he thought maybe it was a bit more strange than he gave it credit for.

Rich was in the cot next to him, all smiles and grins despite the angry red marks on his left side. When Jeremy had absentmindedly brought it up, the short teenager had simply said they were cool and made him look tough. Jeremy just felt incredibly guilty.

He wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not to leave the hospital. There was just so much stimulus outside of the clean walls, so many sensations coming at Jeremy from all directions. He just wanted things to be simple. Easy to handle. 

Guess that was a bit too much to ask for.

In the days after leaving the hospital, it became apparent that the tremors were now a regular occurrence. Jeremy would be leaning on his arm or standing when the limb or limbs in question would start spasming and he would have to lie down until they passed. It wasn’t much more than an inconvenience, but when he was lying on his back staring at whatever was above him it was a bit hard not to feel overwhelmed by life. By everything. It would put a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach that he wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.

* * *

Asking out Christine went much better than he thought it would. All of his friends, even his dad, had tried to pitch in a bit of advice. And he didn’t even feel too nervous when he was actually talking to her. But when they actually went out to lunch together it was… strange.

Everything felt a little odd. Like they were two pieces of a puzzle that almost fit, but not quite. Just enough that it didn’t feel right. Which was really weird, because all of the other times he had hung out with her or talked to her he got that feeling of butterflies trying to push their way out of his stomach. Maybe his feelings for her were more along the lines of that thing Michael talked about during their phone calls after one of his documentaries. What was it? Limerence?

Just because it felt uncanny to try and think of it as a date didn’t mean he didn’t genuinely enjoy her company. Jeremy told Christine about how unnatural their date had felt, and she said she agreed. As soon as she had finished speaking, Jeremy felt like a bundle of knots that he didn’t even remember existing unraveled in his chest, dispelling the strange tightness. It was relieving, but it just brought on a new, even weirder feeling as his fingers began twitching.

What did he do to deserve any of this?

* * *

“So you didn’t hit it off?” Michael asked as he settled down on the blanket next to Jeremy.

“No. It just felt… off? Like suddenly I was looking at everything from a new perspective and that was the right one? Sorry, that’s kind of dumb.” Jeremy leaned back on his arms and craned his neck to look at the stars above them.

“Damn. I guess I get it, though. You in the market for someone new?”

“I don’t think so. Dating just feels weird to me now.”

“Like… you’re aro?”

He hesitated. “I don’t think so. That doesn’t sound right, but it doesn’t sound entirely wrong either? I kind of feel like it might pass but at the same time…” Jeremy sighed. “Everything’s just confusing, man. I hate it.”

Michael laughed, nudging Jeremy’s ankle. “I get you there, dude.” He sent a dazzling grin over. “I guess that means we’re not going to be dating any time soon, huh?”

Jeremy chuckled quietly. Honestly, it was more of a few soft exhales than anything else. “Sorry, Michael. Guess not.”

“Damn. I was gonna bring Mountain Dew Red to the wedding.”

The air drastically cooled around Jeremy at the mention of the discontinued soda. His arms started spasming, refusing to support what little weight he had. Jeremy let them give way and he collapsed onto his back. He noticed Michael frown, and then slide down next to him. “You doing okay there?” 

“Yea, I just…” All the words Jeremy wanted to say refused to come out. A long silence fell around them, almost becoming a sound itself. It took Jeremy a while to actually say something again. “I’m sorry about Halloween.”

“What, that stupid party? It’s fine. I forgave you a while ago. I know you only ignored me because of the squip, and it was kind of shitty what you did, but looking back on it I kind of see why you did that.”

“Um...?”

“I talked to Rich about squips. He also said his squip became a lot more aggressive after it synced with yours so I kind of have this theory that yours way defective in some way and-”

“Michael.” Jeremy said gently. “You’re getting off track.”

“Right, sorry. Anyways, you kind of had this self hatred thing going on so I probably just reminded you of all the things your squip made you hate about yourself. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a shitty and very wrong thing to do. Seriously, _never_ do anything like that again.”

“But… how’d you know I hated myself?”

Michael gave him an incredulous look. “I’ve been your best friend for twelve years. It’s my job to be able to tell things like that.”

“Huh.” Jeremy looked back at the stars twinkling miles and miles above their heads. He was starting to get lost in the inky blackness when Michael spoke up again.

“Isn’t it weird to think that some of those stars are already dead?”

“Wow. You’re a real romantic, Michael Mell.”

The stoner grinned. “You know it.” The cheery expression slipped away. “But seriously. There’s tons of stars out there that have already burned out and we’re just seeing the light that took millions of years to travel here.”

“I think of it more as inspirational.”

“Elaborate.” Michael said as Jeremy’s arm twitched painfully against the ground. He winced.

“Well…” He cleared his throat, shifting around so Michael wouldn’t feel the tremors currently taking over his arms. “They’re still sharing their light with us even though they can’t be around to see the dreams they encourage people to have when they wish on stars. Like they’re encouraging us to keep dreaming.”

“You’ve seen The Little Prince too many times.”

“Guilty.”

Michael looped his arm around Jeremy’s. His breath hitched as he waited for Michael to pull away when he felt the trembling. The action never came. The spasms didn’t stop, but it felt just a little less overwhelming, just a little bit better to be alive.

**Author's Note:**

> I felt sad. So I wrote this. I don't know, it took me like thirty minutes. I just have some feelings and wanted to get them out.
> 
> catch me on tumblr as latenightbutterfiies


End file.
